The pregnancy diary: Week 4

This was written in secret before we went public with our announcement of being pregnant, which you can read here. I’m now sharing these with everyone, until this is up to date. As this gets published, I’m now 13 weeks along.

HOLY COW I JUST FOUND OUT I’M PREGNANT! Of course, being who I am, this means I need to get this written down, because there’s a lot going through my head right now.

As I write this, there’s only a few people that know. We’ve told a few close friends and family, keeping the numbers low so that if anything should go wrong we don’t have to explain it to a large number of people. We just want the immediate support group ready, because no doubt there’s going to be a lot of questions and fears over the coming 9 months. Uh, 8 now I guess?

Why would I publish this?

I want to write about this as it goes, because I know I’m going to have so many questions. I’m writing this now, but I won’t actually be hitting the “publish” button until after we’ve announced it.

There’s also two main reasons why I would share this with everyone:

• I want to remember my journey
• Someone, somewhere, might find my rawness useful. I have read a few blogs already, and it was amazing to find people going through the same thing I am. The symptoms, the emotions, everything. No matter what happens in the future, whether it’s bad or good, I want to share it.

How did I know?

In the last few weeks I had experienced a few symptoms, but I honestly wasn’t sure:

• Random bouts of extreme fatigue
• Random bouts of nausea
• Strong smells
• The most obvious one, a late period

Finally, one night I told Mario I was taking a test. I did the usual pee on a stick, put the lid back on and put it on the floor. I only had enough time to wipe and stand up, and it flashed up “pregnant”.

Oh my god.

I got dressed, flushed the toilet, washed my hands and grabbed the stick. Walking into the living room, Mario said “how did you go?” I couldn’t even talk; I just kinda thrust the stick in front of him on the table. I don’t even remember what his reaction was, I was shaking so much. I just asked him now, he said he didn’t even feel surprised. It was like he expected that result. I guess both of us did.

How am I feeling?

Physically, since we knew for sure it feels like the symptoms have come flooding in. This morning my boobs hurt, and I haven’t stopped feeling queasy all day.

Neither of us slept well last night after we found out. It was a lot of information to take in at once, and as such we both tossed and turned. That probably contributed to the fatigue today as well.

Mentally, I am completely and utterly overwhelmed. Neither of us have had a moment of fear, which is great. The thoughts that I’ve had so far were:

• I should have had a better drink beforehand – now I can’t have wine!
• Now I can’t have coffee. Maybe I can have one or two? I CAN’T SURVIVE WITHOUT COFFEE.
• Can I run? I’m working so hard on my running. I CAN’T SURVIVE WITHOUT RUNNING.
• What if I can’t lie on my stomach? I laid on my stomach last night, have I killed it?
• I feel weird – oh god, could I have blood in my underwear? (No I didn’t).

Lucky I had already scheduled to work from home today, so I was able to sneak out for my lunch break and see the doctor. I got some answers to my questions, the most important being one or two coffees a day is fine, just don’t drink caffeine to the point my heart races. And yes, I can keep exercising until I feel uncomfortable, just no crazy heart rates and don’t overdo it.

Now the consuming of information online begins. I have no idea what to expect, so it’s time for research.

Holy s**t, we’re having a baby! Strap in for the ride everyone!