So….the last time I posted about the challenge was 4 weeks ago. Which says a lot about how the end of my challenge went really.
Honestly, I fell quite off the rails for a bit.
My meals were hit and miss, my meal planning was non-existent, my workouts were walking our new pup and that’s about it.
So…how would I rate the challenge?
Fantastic.
The wins:
- I pushed myself to cook a lot more. I’m not kidding, it’s the most I’ve cooked in probably the last 2 years. Some of the meals were hits, some were major misses. But I got in there, and that was a huge achievement.
- I’m further along in my journey of understanding myself. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn.
- I’ve found some meals that I really, really enjoy. One of them, a Mediterranean cous cous salad, I can now make in about 10mins…I actually had it for dinner tonight before writing this #proud
The cons:
- My body hasn’t changed too much. I haven’t had some miraculous transformation, or anything like that. I’m not one of their success stories…yet.
- I beat myself up a lot again.
- I haven’t quite found a way to make this easy yet. To have some success, I’m going to have to put in the hard yards. Sunday nights have to be meal planning.
Just because I didn’t have the picture perfect success from this challenge doesn’t mean that I’m down and out. In fact, I’ve signed up for the next one. Because I need to keep making myself uncomfortable. The more I push myself to keep cooking, the better my relationship with food will be. Eventually, this won’t be scary anymore.
So, what am I doing differently?
I won’t be writing about the challenge anymore. While initially I wanted the accountability, I found that it triggered my anxiety, and I would begin putting myself down. I’m going to find other things to keep writing about though, because I’ve enjoyed re-visiting my blog, and sharing my stories.
I’ve also met up with my doctor again. I’ve explained that I’ve made some progress, but that I need some help again. Talking to someone about all of it, I felt the weight come right off my shoulders. We’ve got a plan, we’re rolling it out, and we’ll see where I am in the future.
Part of that plan will involve therapy again. I am so good at being negative about myself, and my confidence. Not just body image stuff, but about my skills, my personality. It’s far too easy to convince myself that I’m bad at my job, that everyone hates me, and that I’m ugly. And that’s not OK. Because when my anxiety isn’t triggered, I know that I’m good at what I do, that my friends think I’m great, and that I’m not so bad to look at. I mean, I haven’t had kids cover their faces and scream when they see me, winning!
In the last week I’ve gotten back to meal planning and cooking. I already feel so much better, I’m waking up feeling better rested. My heartburn is starting to go away. I don’t feel the energy slumps…and this, this is what I need to focus on. This is ultimately why I’m doing this. I feel better, and I enjoy life so much more.
And finally, thank you all for going on this journey with me. For the encouragement and support. For reading, so I know there’s someone out there.
The journey continues for now, and I’m sure I’ll continue to update you on how it’s going every now and then, but it’s time to return to writing about more interesting aspects of my life.
Because I’m much more than my weight.
I’m Kelly…and this is my world.