Another year over, another step towards being in my 40s. Maybe 2024 is the year I’ll grow up? Doubt it.
Let’s take a look at some of the highs and lows from last year, in no particular order.
I lost my best friend
2023 will be forever cemented in my head as the year I lost my best friend, my faithful sidekick, my dog. She was 14 years old, and so much more than just a pet.
She was by my side throughout the most pivotal and tumultuous periods of my life.
- The end of a relationship that I had been in for close to 50% of my life
- Another toxic relationship that lasted too long
- The discovery of the joy of independence
- Meeting my now-husband (fun fact: she would “park it” by laying down and not walk if anyone tried to take her away from me, and wouldn’t ever do it for anyone else…until she did it once where she wouldn’t leave my husband’s side! I was like hang on, you’re MY dog!! Guess she knew before me)
- The birth of my son
- Countless house moves
- Battling mental health issues and an eating disorder
When I was having a tough day, I would just sit beside her, and either pat her or play fetch. She was my “go to” for decompressing, or when I needed to pick myself up.
When she passed away, the loneliness was agony. Even though I was surrounded by people, I have never felt more alone.
I’ve worked through the majority of the grief now, but I still daily will go and talk to ashes, say good morning or goodnight, or go to the box when I just need to see her. She is still by my side, just in another form.
Damn it hurts.
Here’s the last photo I posted of her to instagram.
I took a step back from social media
This year I realised that I was relying on social media far too much. It wasn’t the usual issue of trying to post things and searching for likes…I don’t really care about that.
It was more that I was relying on people to tell things, and document my day. It was like I needed someone to know what I was doing. If I was angry I had to tell someone. If I was happy I needed to tell someone. It was like that moment didn’t exist unless I had told someone. I was forever feeling like I had to justify myself, or get more opinions.
At some point I just became exhausted.
So, I stopped telling people things. I stopped blogging. I stopped posting photos on instagram. If I felt something, whether happiness or anger, I focused on letting myself feel it. I told a few people that I talked to regularly that I was pulling back, and how to reach me if they needed me. I turned off notifications. I set screen time limits so that if I did use social media that it was limited to 2 hours a day (with a plan to drop that even further).
The change was huge.
I felt so much relief. If I was angry, I felt like instead of rage messaging a friend about whatever it was that angered me, I just…let it go. I felt happier. Even when I was doing something fun, or enjoying a family moment, I was able to be more present instead of feeling like I had to take a photo or send it to someone.
I’ve gradually let myself use social media a bit more, but I’m trying to consciously remind myself “does someone really need to know that?” (usually followed by a “probably not”).
Notifications are still off for the most part, especially during particular hours of the day. So I’m still delayed in replying to people, but it’s no big deal. Life keeps going. And the bulk of my social media time these days is spent scrolling reddit….which I’ll focus on another day. I’ll possibly drop that right back too.
I travelled to Europe
I joined my family in Greece for just under a fortnight, which was amazing. My parents are getting older, and soon trips like this won’t be possible anymore. It’s wonderful to make memories when I can.
I fell in love with wandering the streets of Athens, and discovering more ancient history just dotted around the place.
I saw the beauty of Santorini, and basked in the sun reading a book and marvelling at the view.
I walked up some bloody steep stairs.
I ate a lot of gyros.
I learned jet lag really sucks, but that investing in an amazing travel pillow is worth it.
I spent time with my family, and reminded myself how lucky I am to have them.
I missed my husband and son, who stayed at home, and vowed never to travel without them again. Except for another international trip that’s already planned for 2024.
I started training for a marathon
I began a 6 month training plan to go from almost nothing to being able to run/walk 42km. A few years ago I ran a half marathon, then was so sick of running I swore off it for months.
This year I ran a half marathon on a weekend, and got heat stroke.
Then followed it up with a 23km sesh the weekend after.
And 18km the weekend after that.
My endurance is the best it’s ever been, despite being 30-40kg heavier than I want to be.
Training has been more than just physical. The mental journey has been tough, with a lot of self-doubt, and a few highs. It’s definitely been a rollercoaster ride.
We’ll see what 2024 brings and if I will be able to obtain the elusive medal. I’ve always said 42km before the age of 42, and I’m looking forward to ticking that one off the list.
I paid absolutely no attention to my 52-in-52 list
I wrote my 2023 list, and then I never looked at it again. Not intentionally, but I just had so much going on and I gave myself the grace to ignore it. Surprisingly I got some done, but I’ve rolled over the others that I didn’t into this year. I still want to get them done.
I’m still polishing it and will post it here soon. It’s been a tradition now for over 12 years, and I have no intentions of stopping any time soon.
I made memories
It has been another year of incredible times with my family and friends. There has been camping trips, weekends away in hotels, attending the FIFA Women’s World Cup, hanging out with friends…just so much.
I got out of my comfort zone and left my old workplace, to discover. a whole new set of amazing people and build confidence in my own skills.
It’s been a hell of a year.
I’m not going to say that I wouldn’t change a thing, because I would bring my dog back in a heartbeat if I could.
But there are so many things that I’m grateful for, and so my face is still pointing towards the sun.
Bring on 2024, I’m hopeful for a year of continued growth and success.