I’m in a world of guilt tonight.
My son pooped his pants twice today. I’m fine with that. we’ve been toilet training for months now and I’m used to it. My husband does the undie cleanup tho, I can’t handle that bit.
What I couldn’t handle is my son squirming and getting cranky about sitting on the toilet to finish. His constant attempts to wipe his butt and smear poop everywhere. His lack of listening when I asked him to sit still so I could clean up. His screeching that he didn’t want to bend over.
I got SO angry.
I was patient at first. I was explaining why he had to push some more out, why he couldn’t stick his hand down there to wipe it up yet. Why he shouldn’t play with it when he got some on his fingers (!!!) etc etc. For 15mins.
Wiping it up was a nightmare. He wouldn’t bend over, the poop just kept coming, he was pulling all the toilet paper out or he was trying to stick his hands where they shouldn’t be.
At one point he was crawling trying to get away from me and I had to pick him up to bring him back.
I took a deep breath and was trying to talk to him calmly, explain what we needed to achieve, how we could get it done etc.
He just screamed at me.
Finally when it was done I handed him to my husband and walked away to chill.
You guys, this experience SUCKED.
If I hated it, I’m sure as heck he did too.
We’ve been toilet training for so long now. I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t clicking. But if you know you have to poop them who would want to do it if that’s the experience you’re going to get? Not me!
Tonight I realised how much of the problem is me. It’s not all him.
I think part of the reason he’s not going yet is that I have turned this into a negative experience for him.
Tonight I sit in my bed, thinking of my son, feeling like the worst mother in the world. He’s asleep right now but I wish I could cuddle him tightly and apologise.
Tomorrow I’ll explain to him that mummy made a red choice (bad choice) and got mad. That I’m sorry. And that we are going to work on his pooping together so it’s not scary. And then hug him as tight as I can.
Then I’ll take another deep breath, and work on getting through another day.
– Please note I don’t want parenting advice thrown at me after this post. I’m not asking for it. I just needed an outlet for my guilt and emotion. When a mother is upset, sometimes throwing advice at them is the worst thing to do. Just hug them and say it gets better.
I’m on kiddo number nine, and I’m still the world’s worst potty trainer 😂 When I had my first baby, I actually believed I could be a perfect mama, but now I know that grieving over your anger (or other failings), sincerely apologizing, and taking steps to do better actually makes you the best mum there is. Hoping today is more peaceful for all of you!
Wow, nine! Your patience must be absolutely remarkable haha. Thank you so much for the kind comments, and thankfully he was totally great this morning (I posted a mini-update in today’s update). I’ve got a pretty great kid, I’m lucky to be his mama. But I honestly will be so, so grateful when this phase is over!