I'm finding it really tough to read about other couples. I know that what C and I had wasn't healthy, but I loved him so deeply. I had thought about the future and planned it with him.
I saw it and I wanted it.
I think that's why now it's so tough. I feel a lot of self loathing. I wonder how I could have changed it, why it wasn't successful. Logically, I know it wasn't all me but that doesn't stop me from feeling the failure. When I first split with him my friend said to me “you haven't failed”, and I wondered what she meant back then. I hadn't felt like a failure. Now I get it, now I feel that sense of failure. [...]