Have you ever been scrolling through Facebook, seen a product ad, and simply wondered:
What the fuck is that?!
That happened to me the other week. I had to stop and screenshot the products in question, because I needed proof in the future when I tried to explain what I had seen. Tonight, I decided I would try and guess what the products were. In my defence I did try to find them again on the site so that I could actually link to them for you all, but they had disappeared. If anyone wants to hunt for them on wish.com, good luck!
Having a serious answer would have ruined my fun anyway.
Eyelid pasta shells
This product looks like pasta shells to me. Maybe I’m just hungry.
If you look at the second image she’s not wearing any makeup, and her eyelashes look pretty sparse. For that reason my theory is that surely it can’t be a tool for applying false eyelashes, or makeup of some kind.
Thus my assumption is that the makers of this tool have taken some tips from some pretty weird Italians. What they must have learned is that pasta shells work so well in your belly, that you may as well stick them on your eyelids! Before going to bed you cook them al dente, whack them on your eyelids and go for a snooze. In the morning – booyah, fresh eyes! For an added bonus if you were a cannibal you could use these on your victims. Add a bit of salt and mmm…tasty.
Toilet leg warmers
We all have those times when we’re looking hot in our little black dresses, and nature calls. It’s a number 2, and we’re going to be a while. But it’s winter, and we’re worried about catching a chill.
Fear no more ladies, you don’t need to shiver on the toilet any longer! There’s no need to have your dead grandma’s knitted blanket in the bathroom for times of emergency. If you’re in Japan, your bum will be warm courtesy of their amazing toilets, but what about your knees and shins!?
Enter the toilet leg warmers.
While you sit with your legs at a perfect 90 degree angle (they do recommend a stool to help things uh, move along) you can stay warm. Even better, it’s available in various colours so you can pick and choose depending on what best compliments your mini dress.
I can only assume they were rated 4/5 stars as there’s no purple. And because it doesn’t look like it would fold up into your purse easily. Negative points for lack of portability.
Toe nail braces
I’m going to be honest with you, this looks like the thing of nightmares. I can’t even put a false advertising spin on this one.
It looks like some sort of scary-ass clamp (not literally – that’s a whole other product on its own) modelled on something used to squeeze your brain out of your head! Based on the diagram, I’m going to assume it’s something that pulls the edges of the nails up so that you don’t get ingrown nails?
So many questions:
- Is it the equivalent of braces on your teeth? Toe braces does have a ring to it.
- Do you use it once, or are you meant to wear it permanently?
- Will it go with my havianas? Aka flip flops, pluggers, thongs, jandals, whatever you want to call the rubber shoes on your feet depending on where you come from.
- If I wear it to the beach, will it rust (or scare children)?
Rated 4/5 because of the expense of therapy sessions required after using this tool.
What weird products have you seen advertised before that blew your mind?