It’s probably a bit early to start writing this year off, but hey, if people can put up Christmas decorations then I can start thinking about the new year. Right?
I was so keen to just consider 2019 a bit of a crap year, but there are definitely some highlights. There’s also some lows for the year, and I’m trying to not let them overshadow the highs. But on a whole, I’m ending this year in a bit of a negative mood.
So – plot twist! I’m looking towards 2020.
There were a few already, and I’m sure there’s a few left to come for the year.
- Still married to my husband – Seriously, I rate this as a huge high. We’ve been married for 3 years now, and we’ve raised a child. That’s some challenging stuff in a relationship, and I’m so proud that we’ve made it through. There are things that we are working on, but we still love each other dearly and tell each other multiple times a day. I love coming home to him every night.
- I have a healthy, gorgeous two year old son – yet another year that he’s survived and grown. I still kick myself every now and then wondering how I came to be a mother, and who gave me permission to take him home from the hospital. I am so incredibly proud of the little boy that we are raising, and he is a huge high for me every day.
- I have my gorgeous fur baby – my best friend of 9 years now, I’m so thrilled that she continues to be by my side, wagging her tail every moment she sees me. I’d be lost without her.
- Insert comment about all my friends and family – If I went through naming everything to do with my friends and family this post would be massive. A huge high for me this year is that I’m getting to spend more time with my niece, who is teaching me lots of things, mainly that I’m old and uncool! Spending time with her is a lot of fun. And importantly, I still have rock solid relationships with my friends and family, and we’ve all made it through the year still here on this planet (that definitely counts for something). I’ve made lots of new friends this year too!
- Participated in my first half marathon – this was a bucket list item for me and I’m still amazed I did it. Now to do it faster!
- Discovered a running club I love – it’s an online club, which is hard for people to get their heads around, but I have made some wonderful friends and pushed myself to distances I never would have thought possible. It’s motivating, inspiring, and I’m surrounded by people who open my mind. I can’t speak highly enough of it.
- Enjoying the challenges of my job – I’m lucky to have a job that I enjoy the work I’m doing, and the difference I’m making in other people’s lives. I actually get to see the impact, and it feels good.
Brace yourself for a bit of whinging.
- Diagnosed with binge eating – this is a biggy, and probably why it feels like it’s overshadowing everything else. I’ve decided I need to write a blog post explaining how the mind of a binge eater works during the day so people understand. Every single minute of every single day it’s present in my mind. I’m sick of thinking about it. I want to be done. So looking towards 2020 gives me the mentality of a “fresh start” and a fresh attack on trying to beat this sucker.
- Didn’t lose weight (gained a little bit actually) – last year I posted my 2017/2018 photo comparison, and I feel like I should probably do the same for 2019. I think I’ll cry, but it might be the wake up call I need. I was hoping to hit goal weight this year and I didn’t, and instead I went backwards – I’ve put on 5kg. I feel very pudgy and heavy. I have new stomach rolls when I sit down. When I walk I can feel my bum bouncing. Everything wobbles and I hate my body. Mentally this is tough.
- My friend’s daughter being diagnosed with Leukaemia – I bawled my eyes out when I got the text. The strength they have shown in dealing with it, keeping things going day after day, they’re incredible. And honestly, it’s one of those situations where the most amazing people are dealt the worst hand. They didn’t deserve this. I’m just so incredibly grateful that their daughter is getting through it, and her prospects are good. We love her dearly.
- I’ve barely even thought about my 52s this year – pretty disappointed in myself about that one. I love doing them, but I just let them slide right off the radar this year. That sucks. I love looking back at my list and seeing all the cool stuff I did. This year I’m kinda afraid of looking at it and getting hung up on what I didn’t.
Umm….ever had a moment when you make a pros and cons list and realise the pros outweigh the cons? When I look closer, I realise that a lot of my highs are reminding myself to not take things for granted. I have a lot of good in my life, and I am lucky in so many ways.
I guess I just want to beat my demons.
Why I’m hanging out for 2020
I’m sure there are many more events from the year, and I know I’m writing this post on a whim without thinking it through. I guess these are just the big ticket items in my mind that jumped out at me immediately. It’s probably interesting to look at that in itself, and why they’re the first things I thought of. But I digress.
So, why wait until 2020 and not now?
Well, I’m actually starting soon. Not today. I’m trying to make good decisions right now of course, but I’m about to go on holidays for 2 weeks. When you’re away it becomes very difficult, and especially when travelling to lands of culinary amazingness.
As soon as I get back from holidays I’ll be trying to finish the year on a high note with a 28 day health & fitness challenge. The goal is to try and shift the overall feel in my mind about the year. Coming back from holidays is a starting line as well.
But 2020 is a new year, a new decade, and it will be time for the new me. It’s January 1. It’s new. There’s no deadwood from the year. It’s a year with an unblemished record. It’s a year with opportunity, and exciting plans.
It’s like starting all over with a new notepad. So many empty, unscripted pages, ready for a story.
I’m ready to to write my new story.
2020 is going to be the year that I kick some goals.