Another week down and…another not so great post.
This week started off on a high. I completed my first 10k event in years, my second run outside in years, and my first race in years. I was stressed, I was excited, and I was heavier than I have ever been in my life (without a baby in my stomach).
It wasn’t my greatest run, but I was so proud of myself for doing it. I caught up with some former workmates after, and had a great chat. We’ve turned it into a tradition.
My hips were super tight for a few days, so after resting by about Tuesday I was ready to foam roll. Damn it hurt, but it felt so good. I realised what I’ve been missing.
And then….I saw the photos of myself.
I’m not lying when I say I was devastated. If you had covered up my head I would never have guessed it was me. They were the worst photos I’ve ever seen of myself in my life, and I’m not being dramatic. I had to close the screen immediately, but they were still burned into my brain.
That triggered days of anxiety, and while I didn’t engage in binge eating, I did make unhealthy choices. Combine that with some other personal matters building up and my brain just couldn’t cope.
Saturday morning I had a melt down, and thankfully Saturday evening had time to myself to just try to let it all out and relax. I washed and styled my hair, and tried some self-care.
By Sunday I had the worst migraine I’ve ever had. I managed to get out to a car show with the boys, but by 10am I was back in bed. After multiple doses of painkillers, including the heavy stuff (I even ended up taking valium), by this morning (Monday) it had finally gone.
So….some lessons there to be learned.
- Back to working on acknowledging and dealing with anxiety
- I can’t do the same actions and expect a different reaction, so I’m back to focusing on my food. For now I’m calorie counting but not in the sense that I have a daily limit to hit. More that I’m just working on accountability and being conscious of what I put in my mouth.
- I’m following the guidelines from my nutritionist and working on my different portions on my plate, working on proteins, healthy fats, and some carbs.
- Exercise-wise I’ve taken it easy because my knee hasn’t been real happy, but I’m going to continue working on my mobility sessions
- I painted my nails today as my “do something nice for myself to make myself feel pretty”
This week I’m taking it easy, and I’m working on doing meditation again before bed. Good sleep, good food, movement, and hydration. That’s the plan for this week.
So, here’s to a better week and being kind to myself. This is just another bump in the road to my journey, this is where I’m at now, this is not the end, this does not have to be this way forever.
Baby steps….