Drunk caravan curtain sewing in 33 steps

If drunk sewing was a thing I’d be a world champion.

Actually, maybe not. Because if I’d had wine tonight then I’d probably have sewn my finger to something. Or maybe I’d have been more chill and I would have gotten my project done faster. Hmm…but I’m not all that keen to find out which scenario is more likely to be true.

But basically my straight lines are like someone closed their eyes and hoped for the best. They’re not great.


I’m sewing curtains

We bought a caravan recently and I want to slowly redo the interior. The curtains we inherited aren’t so bad, they’re just pretty dusty and old. The lace underneath however was pretty disgusting. Think old, brown (meant to be white) lace that looks more suited to being an ugly doily than anything to be hung in line-of-sight.

I’ve been trying to get better at sewing and have been making masks for some friends of mine. Again, my drunken-esque sewing skills were on display with some suspicious lines that look like my finger might have gotten in the way. I’ve been scared to post them down to my friends but I think I need to suck it up and hand it over. It’s the thought that counts right? If they NEVER use them I don’t mind. Health is way more important than loyalty.

Back to the story.

Still theoretically drunk I had decided I was capable of sewing new curtains for the inside of the caravan. high on courage, I convinced my husband that we should go to ikea and repurpose some of their sheer curtains for the caravan.

“I could just cut them to size, sew some seams and BOOYAH! We’ll have added $10,000 in value to the van instantly”.


That’s likely not the conversation we had, but I’m sure I was just as convincing. $40 later (well, actually a lot more because who ever goes to ikea and comes out with only the items they intended on buying) we had two sets of Hilja sheer curtains ready for hacking.

It took four hours to make one curtain

I’m pretty sure it should take a lot less than four hours to make a single curtain. One that’s not even 1m long. Actually, I’m 100% positive it should take a lot less than that

Let’s recap the process.

  1. Measure space in caravan for curtains
  2. Google search making caravan curtains
  3. Read a blog. Hate it. Close it
  4. Find the one you were reading the other day and love it. Curse that it’s in imperial measurements (dammit americans can’t you just use metric already, it’s LOGICAL)
  5. Convert your caravan measurements to inches
  6. Add 2 inches for seams
  7. Fold the curtain because your awesome friend Cass told you to do that so you can cut the curtains straight. Get ready to cut.
  8. Freak out and think you’re doing something wrong. Go back to the computer to research.
  9. Create an excel spreadsheet listing measurements and conversions, including full width of the entire window, calculations for two curtains (aka half) and seam allowances.
  10. Convince yourself you’re wrong.
  11. Draw a diagram instead. Realise you actually were right. Feel confident.
  12. Remeasure the curtain, get ready to cut.
  13. Stress about cutting it crooked, ask why you ever decided to do this project.
  14. Cut it finally, for the height.
  15. Realise it’s actually pretty close to being straight.
  16. Go and hold it up to the caravan window and realise it’s kinda close.
  17. Husband and son arrive home. Show them a dodgy wide but short curtain.
  18. Measure out the next bit for the width of the curtain.
  19. Convince yourself you’re wrong again.
  20. Walk back repeatedly between the dining table and your craft room because you need to check the measurements 500 times
  21. Finally cut it. Realise it’s pretty close.
  22. Tell your husband that you think this was a dumb idea and you’re more than happy to go and buy curtains
  23. Suck it up and sew one side.
  24. Realise that where you thought you were genius by using existing seams that it wasn’t that genius because now you can’t feed the stretch wire for mountain the curtain.
  25. Show husband, tell him you feel stupid.
  26. In explaining to your husband what you’ve done wrong you realise how to fix it. He agrees on the approach and reminds you that “no one is going to be looking that closely so why are you so stressed?’
  27. Fix it. It works
  28. Sew the next part. It also works.
  29. Go and mount it in the caravan loosely without cutting the stretch wire to fit yet (another day).
  30. Take photos and spam almost everyone you know about how you just made a curtain and it doesn’t look that shit
  31. Post it on instagram
  32. Write a blog about it
  33. Get wine.

It’s time for step 33

So…long story short I now feel a heck of a lot more confident that I didn’t royally screw it up. In fact, once I thought about it properly I did a pretty good job. There’s some areas for improvement that will make my life a lot easier, so I’ll do that next time e.g. ironing the seams flat before pinning & sewing.

I’m hoping it won’t take me 4 hours for each curtain. But I’ve got all the diagrams and excel spreadsheets to figure out the remaining measurements I need now.

AND I’ve been given a great tip about using our flooring for straight lines – genius!

But for now? Wine.

I’ve also got a newfound appreciation for women who sew. I’m pretty sure they’re all bad asses.

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