Hoo boy, here I was at 33 weeks tracking along thinking everything was fine and dandy. Then I hit 37 weeks and found myself surrounded by one dark grey cloud.
It’s time for the 37 week recap, and things are going to get emotional.
Aches and pains
I’m officially really uncomfortable. I had been, in my mind, still decently active up until this point. I was still able to go for walks with Ness, although we had dropped it back to 2 days a week. Admittedly, some of those days I’ve had to pike out as well due to heart burn, lack of sleep etc. I wasn’t perfect, but at least I could still move (albeit slower).
Then one day I got hit with what is now my favourite term in the world, lightning crotch. How horrible does that sound, right? I was out for a walk and bam, shooting pains in my lower regions. Apparently it’s caused by the baby moving down lower and his head hitting my cervix (or surrounding nerves). It’s totally natural so nothing to be concerned about, but it’s just so uncomfortable! I’ve given up trying to walk for exercise now since trying to walk at pace is just not something I can do. We walked 15mins each way to the post office last night and the way home was horrible. At least I know that walking is a technique I should use when I go into labour!
My back is aching more now if I stand up for long periods of time as well. I know it’s partially from my belly and partially from my weight. Sunday I was so fatigued I spent a ton of time on the couch resting.
Instead of walking I’m trying to get back into my yoga, although based on my experience today there is nothing relaxing about what I’m doing. Hopefully that will help me to tackle the back issues, and the odd cramp that I still get in my legs/butt etc.
The heart burn is still there, although it just seems to strike at night (or if I’ve been bending over). Provided I sleep on an incline I manage to get a half decent sleep. On the worst nights I’m having to sleep with three pillows stacked, on the good nights only two. I’m coping though, and I’m used to it now.
Week 37 is officially the week I slowed down.
Today I visited the chiro for the first time in a few months, and it triggered a huge emotional reaction in me. We’re talking tears in his office, and another good cry when I got back to my car.
Thing is, I’ve put on a ton of weight this pregnancy. I would have already gained around the 30 – 35kg mark, if not higher. I’ve gone from a size 10 in pants to a size 18. I’ve never, ever been this heavy.
So what does this have to do with my chiro?
I was embarrassed to see him, and the receptionist. I knew my appearance had changed so dramatically, and I was ashamed. Sure, my belly makes sense. But what about my arms, and my butt?
My body image issues have never been worse. I thought I was doing well by hiding away the clothes that didn’t fit, and that certainly helped. Yet seeing myself in the mirror each day is getting harder and harder.
Admittedly, covering up the mirror crossed my mind at one point. So did hiding away at home and reducing social visits. I feel like I have to explain myself when I see everyone. Part of it is the change in taste buds from the baby, part of it is emotional eating again now the bigger I get.
Disclaimer – I know there are people larger than me. I applaud their confidence in their body. I’m sorry for those who may be struggling from confidence issues as well. I am not comparing myself to them. This is my journey and my body. This is my own personal issue to tackle.
Step 1 is admitting I have an issue, which I have done.
Step 2 is to formulate a plan for dealing with it. I’m so close to delivering the baby, and that alone is making a huge difference for me. I’m praying that once I give birth to him that my taste buds return to normal. Then I can start to eat salad and vegetables, red meat, and all the things that are good for me. I tried salad the other night but forgot to ask for it without dressing (we were out for dinner). It came with balsamic vinegar; I tried it, but the taste was so overpowering I couldn’t stomach it.
So my plan? Stay tuned, that’s a blog post in itself.
All I can say is that right now I’m embarrassed by how I look, and week 37 is kicking my teary, emotional ass.
Never fear though, nothing changes about my excitement about the little man in my tummy though. I cannot wait to meet him!
How did you feel when you were nearing the end of your pregnancy? Did you get struggle emotionally? How did you deal with being uncomfortable?