When Mario and I planned our wedding I learned it’s not possible to keep everyone happy. In the 6 weeks since L has been born I’m learning the same lesson again.
Tonight I find myself sitting with a serious case of guilts and unease.
To my friends, my family and my husband:
I’m trying to respect your wishes, and your desires. I’m going to do the same for others. And in the course of that I’m going to piss some of you off.
Please know that none of it is intentional.
Visits at the hospital
We kept visits to the hospital to immediate family so we wouldn’t get overwhelmed. In doing so I forgot about some of my closest friends who are like family to me. I cried when I realised my oversight. It broke their hearts, and then it broke mine.
Who’s holding bubba
We had decided early on that we would hold off his meeting a lot of people until he had had his shots. If people had had all their vaccinations, particularly the whooping cough vax, that it would be OK. Our immediate family all went and got their shots so they would be able to cuddle him.
This obviously offended some people because it meant they couldn’t come and see him. Consider it strike 2.
Then we let people come to see him but if they hadn’t had their vaccinations they couldn’t hold him. Strike 3.
Then I forgot to ask people altogether and just assumed they hadn’t had vaccinations, so said couldn’t hold him. Strike 4.
Thank god he gets his vaccinations tomorrow.
Trying to get a sleep pattern happening
Right now, L doesn’t sleep well during the day. I’ve read countless articles online, a book recommended by friends, and consulted some iPhone apps. I also spoke to our paediatrician today.
I’ve come up with a plan that’s mainly centred around responding to L’s cues, which I’ve been terrible at so far. We have just started the plan today, and he had 3 naps during the course of the day. Definite improvement.
However the information I’ve passed to Mario has been little at best. He hears bits and pieces here and there, and definitely out of order. Needless to say he gets concerned and confused on what’s going on.
He tried to voice the concern to me, I boiled over and snapped at him. I told him I feel unsupported in the sense of trying to do the best for L. In all fairness my husband has been amazing and is doing so much for both L and I.
Essentially I could have handled that situation a thousand times better. There’s a lot of excuses I could offer, but no. I just could have done better.
So I’m sorry
So friends, family and Mario. Please accept my apologies.
I’m trying to keep you all happy while simultaneously trying to keep L’s best interests at heart.
It’s hard. It’s really f**king hard.
Please know I love you all and I don’t mean any offence. If I make a call you don’t agree with please raise it with me – I appreciate the honesty. I hate finding out days or weeks after that I’ve hurt your feelings (again, not intentional).
Now I think it’s time for me to go to bed. I clearly need a sleep and a bit of a cry.