Guilt and failing at keeping everyone happy

When Mario and I planned our wedding I learned it’s not possible to keep everyone happy. In the 6 weeks since L has been born I’m learning the same lesson again.

Tonight I find myself sitting with a serious case of guilts and unease.

To my friends, my family and my husband:

I’m sorry.

I’m trying to respect your wishes, and your desires. I’m going to do the same for others. And in the course of that I’m going to piss some of you off.

Please know that none of it is intentional.

Visits at the hospital

We kept visits to the hospital to immediate family so we wouldn’t get overwhelmed. In doing so I forgot about some of my closest friends who are like family to me. I cried when I realised my oversight. It broke their hearts, and then it broke mine.

Strike 1.

Who’s holding bubba

We had decided early on that we would hold off his meeting a lot of people until he had had his shots. If people had had all their vaccinations, particularly the whooping cough vax, that it would be OK. Our immediate family all went and got their shots so they would be able to cuddle him.

This obviously offended some people because it meant they couldn’t come and see him. Consider it strike 2.

Then we let people come to see him but if they hadn’t had their vaccinations they couldn’t hold him. Strike 3.

Then I forgot to ask people altogether and just assumed they hadn’t had vaccinations, so said couldn’t hold him. Strike 4.

Thank god he gets his vaccinations tomorrow.

Trying to get a sleep pattern happening

Right now, L doesn’t sleep well during the day. I’ve read countless articles online, a book recommended by friends, and consulted some iPhone apps. I also spoke to our paediatrician today.

I’ve come up with a plan that’s mainly centred around responding to L’s cues, which I’ve been terrible at so far. We have just started the plan today, and he had 3 naps during the course of the day. Definite improvement.

However the information I’ve passed to Mario has been little at best. He hears bits and pieces here and there, and definitely out of order. Needless to say he gets concerned and confused on what’s going on.

He tried to voice the concern to me, I boiled over and snapped at him. I told him I feel unsupported in the sense of trying to do the best for L. In all fairness my husband has been amazing and is doing so much for both L and I.

Essentially I could have handled that situation a thousand times better. There’s a lot of excuses I could offer, but no. I just could have done better.

Strike 5.

So I’m sorry

So friends, family and Mario. Please accept my apologies.

I’m trying to keep you all happy while simultaneously trying to keep L’s best interests at heart.

It’s hard. It’s really f**king hard.

Please know I love you all and I don’t mean any offence. If I make a call you don’t agree with please raise it with me – I appreciate the honesty. I hate finding out days or weeks after that I’ve hurt your feelings (again, not intentional).

Now I think it’s time for me to go to bed. I clearly need a sleep and a bit of a cry.

  • I am hoping that
    You try not to keep anyone Happy other than Luca and yourself and really anybody else should be trying to respect your wishes and keeping you happy. Sometimes people may not love your choices and decisions but ultimately as a new mother you are the one to decide how to care best for your baby and family and friends have to respect this. Stay confident and sleep and rest and you and Bub will continue to thrive as he is doing already xxx

  • Totally agree with your friend ^ You know what’s best for your family and don’t apologise for choices. They are your choices, if there your friends they will respect them.
    Xx

  • Cas

    Kel, in the end all you need to worry about is yourself and your baby. You just go on instinct on what feels right at the time. No need to put pressure on yourself and defiantly no need to apologise. Relax. It’s the best time if your life.

  • Oh Kel, my heart breaks for you. You are a tired new mumma learning as you go along, trying to do the best for Luca and your husband. Don’t worry about us. We all understand, and many have been there. Just be happy and enjoy each new moment as it arises. They grow fast. We will meet him when the right time comes for it. DONT feel bad or guilty.

  • Kelly, you are 100% not in the wrong for any of these things. If these friends and family cared about you and Luca’s health and wellbeing, they would understand, accept this and see him when they could.

    As for passing things on to Hubs… there are so many times when I have been guilty of not communicating because I’m tired, I forgot or I just thought that he’d heard it when I told him about the doctor’s appointment.

    I’m PMing you to discuss this further because I’m genuinely concerned that you are lumping all of this guilt into yourself. You are doing what any other new Mum or even Mum of a newborn does – protecting. It’s what mums do best. And if people have a problem with how you’re doing it, then they’re not being supportive.

    To anyone who Kelly has described who has done anything less than protect her, support her, love her 100% – shape up, say sorry and start doing so today.

    I haven’t been as supportive through proactively messaging her as I can be but I’d like to hope that kel knows I’m here for here 24/7 however I can be from 1700km’s apart.

    I support and love you Kel and you have done nothing wrong.

  • People haven’t done anything wrong, I didn’t mean to convey that. They just want to join in the excitement of Luca’s arrival too, that’s all. And I just needed to communicate better on our wishes.

  • Don’t be so hard of yourself 😘