An update of recent events in my life

Next month I'm riding in a 100km bike ride in Melbourne, and this week my lycra jersey arrived! It's the first time I've ever owned a lycra top (I bought my first lycra pants last month when I bought my bike), and I have to say it doesn't feel as bad on as I had expected. Getting the top was pretty exciting, and made the prospect of doing this ride all the more real. Now I just need to make sure I'm getting some more serious bike time so that I'm prepared, and don't die from the sheer amount of time spent in the saddle (I expect to have a very sore bum). read more

When do I become ready?

My life recently has been filled with lots of great moments: fun with friends, fun with family, my dog, the ones that matter. I've also got some great moments coming up: I leave for Bali in just under 2 weeks, I booked flights to Malaysia with my sister next year, and also to NZ for a weekend away later this year. On a whole there is a lot to be excited about.

So why do I still spend time thinking about him?

I won't lie, it's been much easier since removing him on Facebook.

But when I allow myself time to think, I find myself thinking of the key moments together. Just the other night I visited the restaurant where we had our second date (on this occasion it was with friends) and I cried in public. Not sobbing, just some tears filled my eyes for a minute or two, and it didn't go unnoticed by my pals. read more

So it brought me to Nickleback, I shall hang my head in shame

Regular readers to my blog would know that I split with my ex, C, about a month ago. We had been having problems and arguing for quite a while, to the point that I moved out. We were going to try doing the whole “space” thing, it failed, we ended it for good.

Since then I've done the whole rebuilding thing. I live in a house with an amazing housemate, her kids (they're only there 4 days out of 7), and our two dogs. I have a place where I can come home to pure silence, where I can de-stress and recuperate before the stresses of the following day. It's fair to say I couldn't be any more thrilled with where I live. read more

So very lost

I'm finding it really tough to read about other couples. I know that what C and I had wasn't healthy, but I loved him so deeply. I had thought about the future and planned it with him.

I saw it and I wanted it.

I think that's why now it's so tough. I feel a lot of self loathing. I wonder how I could have changed it, why it wasn't successful. Logically, I know it wasn't all me but that doesn't stop me from feeling the failure. When I first split with him my friend said to me “you haven't failed”, and I wondered what she meant back then. I hadn't felt like a failure. Now I get it, now I feel that sense of failure. read more

Questions I’m asking myself

I wrote this at midnight last night to get thoughts out of my head with no intention of posting it. But it seems like now it's more relevant than ever, would love for advice or theories. Please. I'm desperate.

What is my purpose in life?

Why am I employed where I am? Is that where I see my future career?

What are my goals for this year? For five years? For 10?

Why do I find relationships difficult yet they last substantial amounts of time? Am I just persistent? Stubborn? Ignorant? Naive?

Because my relationship is difficult, does that mean it's not worth it? read more