A multi-tasking nightmare

As I write this post I’ve got SAS Australia playing on the tv, and I’m chatting to friends on messenger. I’ve just finished cleaning the house and putting my little guy to bed. For the first time in a long time the living room feels tidy! It’s been a good night!

Running event wrap up

The latest run club event is over, which I’m thrilled about. It’s nice to not have to be thinking about getting mileage every second of every day. I’m still going with my round-the-world event with another team, as well as my solo Australian one, but those ones are a little more sustainable in terms of a run-life balance. [...]  read more

Changing it up again (no Weigh in Wednesdays anymore)

I bet you’re probably getting sick of my weight loss journey and mental health posts. Or maybe not. Maybe you enjoy someone sharing the raw truth about just how bloody hard this is. Maybe you enjoy getting a peek into someone’s struggles and triumphs, and the rollercoaster ride that is. Or maybe you just enjoy reading about someone’s life and comparing it to your own. Whatever it is, you’re here reading.

Here’s another step in my journey for you to read.

A few weeks ago I started posting about my weight and mental health status on Wednesdays. I called it “Weigh in Wednesday”, the most non-unique name on the planet.

I’m not doing that anymore.

Why I started Weigh in Wednesday

My theory was that it would help to keep me accountable and focused on the end-goal. I thought by being public and posting on a routine basis that it would help me to shrug off the relapse into binge eating. If I had to tell people about it maybe I wouldn’t want to do it.

In actual fact it had the complete opposite effect.

I found that I was starting to get highly stressed. The pressure of having a loss on the scale was freaking me out. I lost weight three weeks in a row, which was great. Then my period came, I craved sugar and I had a blow out or two. The scales were even. I started drafting a blog post in my head trying to justify the reasons why I hadn’t lost weight. I started to critique my every action, even though logically it’s totally normal and natural for women to weigh heavier around that time of the month. While I could stand back and use my logic, the pressure just never ceased, and from there my desire to binge just increased.

To be successful I needed to change something. So I have cancelled Weigh in Wednesdays.

Revised plan of attack

For the last few days I’ve sat back, evaluated and reviewed, eaten way too many Easter eggs, and made myself sick from chocolate.

Then I finally came up with a plan. Here it is:

  • No progress checks – for now I’m going to keep this battle to myself a bit more. I’m still going to openly talk about the ups and downs, but I don’t need to post my progress frequently and pressure myself.
  • Get organised – I’ve drawn myself up a new weekly calendar. I have my run schedule in it, house cleaning routine, and most importantly, nominated a couple of nights a week where I go to bed early. Every second Sunday I will batch cook dinner and lunches and putting them in the freezer. The less I have to visit a grocery store the less chance I have of buying chocolate on a whim. If I have a schedule on the wall then I’ll stick to it.
  • Simple goals – I need to break down my goals to make them achievable. Keep It Simple Stupid and all that. My binge eating centres around chocolate (hence why the lead up to Easter helped with the spiral out of control – there was chocolate everywhere). So instead of pressuring myself on what I can and can’t eat and when, I’m now limiting it to one blanket rule. No chocolate.
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    Wednesday weigh-in: 3rd April

    I have some good news to share today – hooray! And some not-great news, but definitely better-than-it-was news.

    Here’s how my week went:

    Weight:

    Last week I weighed in at 86.8kg, this week I’m 85.8 – an even 1kg loss for the week. It could have been better, I didn’t have a great week food wise (will get into that soon), but it’s better than it has been.

    I’m super happy with that result.

    Binge eating

    You guys, I was on a 9 DAY (!!!) streak, and then I broke it. I don’t think I binged in the traditional sense, it wasn’t a robotic “shove as much food in my mouth as I can” phase. The problem was I had enough bad food grazed over the course of the day that I decided I just wasn’t comfortable considering it a “successful” day. I didn’t want to reward myself for that behaviour.

    So the streak ended.

    As of today I’m back facing my second day of being binge-free. This week I’m also trying to cut down on my sugar intake as well. Now that I feel like I’m getting a little bit of a handle on my binging urges I want to focus on my food choices again.

    I’ve stopped with Lite n Easy – I got a bit sick of the same stuff and just needed a bit of variety and options again. This has definitely thrown up some challenges; if I’m not prepared with food I’m pretty hopeless at coming up with something on the spur of the moment.

    I’m going to try to get more prepared this coming week. I want to try and batch cook on the weekend (unlikely I’ll get time during the week), or worst case prepare my lunch the night before. Dinner wise I’m sticking with some healthy frozen meals still for the moment – it’s just easier when I’m working 10 hour days since I can have it in the office before I come home. That means home time is relax, spend time with the hubby or exercise.

    Exercise

    I’m finally back to it after injury and sickness! I managed to hurt my knee and my ankle, but they’re both feeling well enough to get back to it. I walked park run on the weekend with a friend, and last night spent a huge chunk of time on the treadmill.

    I’m only going to be running 3 times a week now (recommendation from my physio – my ankle/knee won’t be great at much more), but it will be a mix up of a speed run, a recovery run and a long run.

    In between that I’m going to try to get to the pool for some laps once a week, strength training at home and some cycling (not sure when I’ll fit this in but I really want to!). With the mix of sports it feels like I’m starting to train for a triathlon again! Maybe in the future *grin*

    I’ve reset my half marathon training plan with the new regime of 3 days a week. I’ve still got 18 weeks until the half, so plenty of time to get some distance back on the clock. Maybe as the weight drops I’ll be able to increase how often I run (since it will be easier on my limbs) but we’ll see.

    Mental Health

    I’m feeling good! This week I’ve woken early a couple of times to go for a walk on the treadmill and instead opted for a sleep in so that I get at least 6 – 7 hours of sleep. That’s really helped.

    I think I’ll only dedicate one or two days a week to getting up early instead of 3.30am every morning for a run. It will be on the two days during the working week that I have runs scheduled; the long run will always be on a weekend because it will take me longer to do.

    I’ve had some busy deadlines at work but I’ve coped well, and I’ve been making an effort to spend some more time with the husband (it’s a shame we both got sick this past fortnight – him with bronchitis, and me with a cold).

    Feeling strong, feeling healthy and feeling happy. It’s been a great week!

    Diagnosis: eating disorder

    Hi, my name is Kelly and I have an Eating Disorder.

    The big E.D.

    See, here’s the thing. When I hit rock bottom a fortnight ago, I thought it was just a self image thing. A simple “I’m overweight and I need to fix it” kind of thing. And that’s still true, nothing has changed there. What I didn’t expect was to have to get smacked over the head with a truth bomb, eat a huge piece of humble pie, and confess some huge secrets that not even I had really clicked that I was hiding. Or at least, had buried so deep inside I couldn’t see them.

    It’s been a fortnight now since my post, and like I promised, I’m sharing with everyone my path forward from here. So let’s get stuck into it, tackling first with the burning topic of my eating disorder.

    I have “Binge Eating Disorder”

    Also known as BD.

    No, it’s not that I just eat too much, let’s get that out of the way right now. There’s so much more to it than that, and it would be unfair to describe it as such.

    From the National Eating Disorder Collaboration site:
    Binge eating disorder is characterised by:

  • Frequent episodes of binge eating involving the consumption of a large amount of food in a short period of time. Binge episodes will be accompanied by a loss of control over eating and the inability to stop the binge
  • A range of identifiable eating habits, including eating very quickly, eating without being hungry and continuing to eat to discomfort when already full
  • Feelings of guilt and shame about the amount of food consumed during a binge episode and the way it has been eaten. Binge eating often occurs at times of stress, anger, boredom or distress, and at these times may be a means of coping with challenging emotions
  • Secretive behaviours around food. Because of their feelings around food, people with binge eating disorder are often very secretive about their eating habits and choose to eat alone
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