Questions I’m asking myself

I wrote this at midnight last night to get thoughts out of my head with no intention of posting it. But it seems like now it's more relevant than ever, would love for advice or theories. Please. I'm desperate.

What is my purpose in life?

Why am I employed where I am? Is that where I see my future career?

What are my goals for this year? For five years? For 10?

Why do I find relationships difficult yet they last substantial amounts of time? Am I just persistent? Stubborn? Ignorant? Naive?

Because my relationship is difficult, does that mean it's not worth it? [...]  read more

So it’s not a break up…it’s a break

My, my….how confusing relationships can be.

The last two nights C and I have had some pretty deep conversations with each other. It's so clear just how much we both love and adore each other, and here we are.

I have to admit, writing how much he loves me is incredibly tough. I have such a high level of insecurity that despite him telling me not only a few hours ago just how much he is in love with me and doesn't want to lose me, I still think “yeah but what if”. Honestly, what does the boy have to do to prove it to me? No wonder he gets frustrated.  [...]  read more

Addition to resume: relationship blogger?

When I first started my new blog I didn't think it would become all about my relationship with C. Sure, I knew he would feature on here from time to time, since he was my boyfriend, but I didn't ever imagine to this scale.

He knows I write on here about him, heck he has read the two blog posts about the break up and the 24 hours following. That shocked me, but I have no regrets as I write from the heart and its the raw kelsbells out there for everyone to see (the same person he fell in love with). We talked about the posts, and he said it was interesting to read, and when I asked if I had been unfair or inaccurate he said no (to clarify, he doesn't necessarily agree that alcohol has a higher priority in his life than me though).  [...]  read more

Post breakup: the first 24 hours

Yesterday my (ex)boyfriend and I broke up. You can read all about it here.

It's been a rough 24 hours for me. I have had a few teary moments, but I haven't broken down and bawled yet. I know as soon as I go and see a certain friend for a heart-to-heart I'm going to be a mess. She knows me so well, and knows the situation I have been in better than anyone. She has seen me at my absolute worst, and built me up to my best. A soul sister if you will, and when she reads this she will know it's her. So I guess I'm just waiting to see her to really let myself feel the vulnerability that I am hiding.  [...]  read more

Single again

So I’m single again. We broke up at 2am this morning.

In my heart I know it’s the right thing to do. It just simply became too hard. I still love him, which is the tough part, but we just aren’t working.

The straw that broke the back was an argument over a road trip this weekend. I was concerned that he was about to start a drinking game at 12.30am when we were meant to be leaving for the airport at 5.15am to take a friend to the airport then continuing from there. I didn’t want a tired and grumpy boyfriend on the road trip. He said he would be fine with energy drinks and a couple of beers, that would keep him in good spirits. He also felt I was making assumptions on what time he would be coming to bed, because I said I was skeptical he would come to bed at the time he said he would.  [...]  read more